Happy humpday all of you fine folks in internet land! Allow me to take a briefly somber turn this evening and take a moment to acknowledge those dearly departed celebrities who are no longer gracing our screens, large or small. 2014 sadly saw a a number of fallen stars, and it is a wonderful thing to remember what celebrities such as the great Robin Williams or the brilliant Philip Seymour Hoffman meant to our lives and the world of entertainment as a whole. While to remember these lost souls is certainly human, to make an ill-begotten television movie about them is not divine.

Friends, this leads me to the subject of tonight’s entry: the rush of Lifetime biopics recently hitting the airwaves. In what is likely a quest for ratings, buzz, and accolades, Lifetime is producing small screen movies on starlets and divas alike who are tragically no longer with us, and for those of you lacking a double X chromosome who may not watch this channel, essentially you can name a deceased pop culture star and a movie about them has already been made or is likely in the works. For example, a Whitney Houston biopic aired in January 2015, a movie based on Aaliyah in November 2014, and a Brittany Murphy TV movie in September.

While I appreciate the sentiment behind a biopic (admit it, everyone is a bit curious about the juicy details of a celebrity’s life and death-shameless shout out to Bobby Brown!), these Lifetime TV events are making bad jokes of the lives of these deceased celebutantes. Focusing solely on the more “soap opera-esque” elements of their days on earth, the stories are tawdry, the acting is terrible, and for even the most brazen of stars, it almost feels like the movies are cheapening their legacy instead of paying a tender homage to them.

Now you may be asking yourself (voices in your head are ok, just as long as you don’t answer!): “Cassandra, you hate these movies, but you clearly have watched them. What gives lady?” Well sir and/or madame, you are correct, my morbid curiousity has gotten the best of me and I have indeed watched several of these biographic flicks. However, I have unfortunately been disappointed each time and in awe of how crude and appallingly bad they are. On that note, I urge you Lifetime: let’s try and make a biopic that honors the celebs we once loved instead of turning their lives into nothing but a nighttime soap. So in the future, please keep it classy Lifetime, and let’s give our departed stars a sendoff worth remembering!